[Looking from the pile, to Idia, to the pile again.]
Yeah. Uh,
[Hm.]
Sure.
[Right. Anyway, not the point. Fearless puts his hand to his head, starts a sentence while pointing at Idia, and then retracts his hand to start again.
Puts his hand in his pocket, wiggles side to side.]
[He should have known. But there's something so general in Fearless' demeanor that he can't stand right now. Idia doesn't know what to make of it, this anxious churning in his stomach.]
[Fearless stops, breathes in, pinches the bridge of his nose.]
I really wasn't a good guy before I got here, Idia. And I'm trying really hard not to be the kind of guy that decks another dude just for making a girl cry.
[That-- visibly shifts Idia's posture. Not the threat, but the fact that Seras has cried? About him?]
Huh? How should I--
[Ah... Oh. Idia presses his lips together, slowly stuffing his hands in his pockets. How would he know? He's quiet for a moment, disappointment weighting his shoulders.]
Did she... say anything? [Closes his eyes tightly, shaking his head-- interrupting himself.] Right, the thrall.
[If anything, Idia's understanding of it is probably even more than Fearless can conceptualize, just because he's familiar with magic. But as Fearless will point out;]
Yeah, uh, I also just, uh, have eyes.
And, you know, context. And the ability to ask questions.
[An unfortunately transparent surprise washes over his features.]
Okay, hold. On. What are you even saying? Turn--
[There's, like, way too much to internalize there. Since when does Fearless like him? Obviously he's misattributing one feeling for another. And Seras-- Idia closes his eyes, shaking his head like it'll clear it out. It doesn't. He gestures rigidly.]
How could I turn her down?
[That would imply she asked something of him or that there was something to be turned down from. But there's not. They're not!]
[Flushes and looks away, the tips of his hair flickering pink when Fearless says "sex" out loud.]
Friends do that sort of thing! [Seras said so herself! That this is what friends are for! Right?? Anyway Idia gestures hurriedly at Fearless.] You do the same things! What difference do I make?
[That was. Too loud. Too loud and too much. Realizing how stupidly vulnerable that is, his teeth practically click with how fast he shuts his mouth. There's a stretch of silence and then;]
Look, I don't know anything, okay? About anything! You're right, I'm wrong, "ha ha" have a laugh about it.
[Fearless doesn't even flinch at being yelled at, but he does squint—]
What—
[Fearless shakes his head, huffing out steam through his nostrils, holding out his hand as if to tell Idia to stuff it. He knows he can't handle this the way he handles everything with Vicious.
The only problem is, he... doesn't actually know how else to handle it.]
I'm not here to laugh at you. I'm trying to keep you from making a mistake.
[Oh. Idia's defensive stance slips, evening out into something... open. Sympathetic. If there's one thing he understands, it's being left. If there's another thing he understands, it's picking up the pieces. Idia's eyes follow him, watching the slope of Fearless' shoulders change and shift, his expression feel through the memory. It's familiar in a way that's raw, tender.
If and when Fearless looks back at him, Idia has turned his gaze away. Eyes fixed on the carpet.]
Not much of a genius.
[That was supposed to be a thought, but there it is out in the open. Fine. Whatever. It's true. He's quiet for a stretch. Then;]
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no subject
Yeah. Uh,
[Hm.]
Sure.
[Right. Anyway, not the point. Fearless puts his hand to his head, starts a sentence while pointing at Idia, and then retracts his hand to start again.
Puts his hand in his pocket, wiggles side to side.]
So uh.
Seras.
no subject
You need to be more specific than that.
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[Fearless stops, breathes in, pinches the bridge of his nose.]
I really wasn't a good guy before I got here, Idia. And I'm trying really hard not to be the kind of guy that decks another dude just for making a girl cry.
[A long sigh. He isn't built for this.]
So I just wanna know what's going on.
no subject
Huh? How should I--
[Ah... Oh. Idia presses his lips together, slowly stuffing his hands in his pockets. How would he know? He's quiet for a moment, disappointment weighting his shoulders.]
Did she... say anything? [Closes his eyes tightly, shaking his head-- interrupting himself.] Right, the thrall.
[Granted his understanding of it is. General.]
no subject
Yeah, uh, I also just, uh, have eyes.
And, you know, context. And the ability to ask questions.
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Is she... [Rubs a hand at his neck before shoving his hand back into his pocket. He knows the answer to his own stupid question.] What did she say?
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You don't wanna know that.
Wouldn't fit your little 'world hates me' emo-kid narrative you've got goin' for ya.
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[It's putting a weird twist on his worry for Seras. Is this just how it's gonna be with the two of them?]
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[That's the one thing keeping him from busting Idia's face open.
But posturing... that hasn't worked in the past, has it? Never really seems to. Never really seems to be what the others want to hear.
So Fearless rolls his head back, looks at the ceiling, and takes a breath before looking back at Idia.]
So I just wanna understand, man.
What the hell are you on that you'd turn a girl like that down?
no subject
Okay, hold. On. What are you even saying? Turn--
[There's, like, way too much to internalize there. Since when does Fearless like him? Obviously he's misattributing one feeling for another. And Seras-- Idia closes his eyes, shaking his head like it'll clear it out. It doesn't. He gestures rigidly.]
How could I turn her down?
[That would imply she asked something of him or that there was something to be turned down from. But there's not. They're not!]
no subject
Oh.
Idia might be stupid. That might be what's going on, here.]
Hold— hold on.
[Fearless rubs his temple again. He has to make sure they're on the same page.]
You live in the girl's room. She takes you out places. Hangs out with you. Watches movies with you. Plays your little video games.
Has sex with you.
You know what that means, right?
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Friends do that sort of thing! [Seras said so herself! That this is what friends are for! Right?? Anyway Idia gestures hurriedly at Fearless.] You do the same things! What difference do I make?
[Ope! Too close to the real issue!!]
no subject
Exactly. We do the same damn things, Idia.
[As if that makes it obvious.]
I could do the same damn things with her, and she'd still be crying over you.
The fuck kind of difference do you think it makes.
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Is this about me or about you?
[It's. Honestly hard to tell. Results unclear.]
1/2
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I'm not the one avoiding the girl I like, dude.
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Why would I need to talk about this with you?
[Even when he's talking with strangers anonymously on the internet he's got 5 layers of security in place and is still on edge about the topic.]
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...You don't. You don't need to talk about this with me.
But you should talk about it with her.
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[He cuts himself off. Idia doesn't want to talk about this; his shell is too rigid for that.
His gaze falls to the floor, looking like he's working through some problem in his head.]
Don't act like that wouldn't just make it worse.
[He's running the scenarios nightly, the outlook is not great.]
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You're worried about making it worse?
Do you even know what worse is?
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[That was. Too loud. Too loud and too much. Realizing how stupidly vulnerable that is, his teeth practically click with how fast he shuts his mouth. There's a stretch of silence and then;]
Look, I don't know anything, okay? About anything! You're right, I'm wrong, "ha ha" have a laugh about it.
no subject
What—
[Fearless shakes his head, huffing out steam through his nostrils, holding out his hand as if to tell Idia to stuff it. He knows he can't handle this the way he handles everything with Vicious.
The only problem is, he... doesn't actually know how else to handle it.]
I'm not here to laugh at you. I'm trying to keep you from making a mistake.
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[Obviously the best preventative measure is avoidance. You can't make a mistake if you don't do anything.]
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Fine. You're right. I don't know what you're thinking, or doing...
We all know I'm not the 'genius'.
[Fearless turns away from Idia, starting to pace, slow and careful.]
But there are people who were here before you even showed up, who got sorted out before you even had the chance to meet 'em.
Before the rest of us even had a chance to say goodbye.
All I'm saying is, you don't know if she's ever gonna be the next one to disappear, and you're the one left behind wondering what could have been.
I didn't get a warning when it was Anthony.
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If and when Fearless looks back at him, Idia has turned his gaze away. Eyes fixed on the carpet.]
Not much of a genius.
[That was supposed to be a thought, but there it is out in the open. Fine. Whatever. It's true. He's quiet for a stretch. Then;]
... You loved that guy, huh?
(no subject)