but he's learning, whether he wants to or not, that while this might feel familiar, it's not the same. it's something new, unique, and it's fine to be that way. a new melody with a similar, but different, leitmotif.
but he does like the song.]
Shut up.
[he shoves Idia's shoulder, gentler than he would with Nanami or Greed, of course.]
[This feels like something he's missed all his life, some familiar phantom figure that's playful and teasing. Warm. It's something he doesn't think consciously about as it happens, just feels a strange pang at the back of his chest, the negative space around a larger feeling. It makes him laugh, actually. It makes him nudge Fearless back.]
She's allowed!
[An honor and a privilege that she has such poor taste. Some might call that lucky.]
[oh, things are getting serious now, huh? Fearless leans away to put his noodles down, which at first he makes a big show out of being definitely just so that he can grab a napkin and wipe his hands and mouth for.]
Oh, yeah, cos the rules don't apply to her, yeah.
I gotcha.
[fair and valid. Fearless reaches over to grab his drink, takes a sip, and—]
but, uh, the thing is—
[he scrunches up his face—]
I don't really care about rules.
[this is Idia's only warning that something is about to go down.]
[As you can imagine, this is all going over Idia's head. Sailing so far over that these cues might as well be in a different room. If something feels off, different, it's because something always feels abnormal when you live in this body.
Idia rolls his eyes.]
I don't make the rules, I just call it like I see it. Maybe if you--
[And so he blabs. Would be a shame (?) if something were to stop him.]
[maybe if he what? the world may never know, because Fearless doesn't let Idia finish. he leans over, takes Idia's cheek in his palm like it's as simple as reaching over to fix Idia's shirt, and leans in to kiss his stupid blue lips, gentle but insistent. just to see what all the hype is about.]
[The last of Idia's words are a hum against Fearless' lips before it dies out completely. He's-- kissing him. He's being kissed. Did... did he skip a scene? Is he holding his breath? Idia feels like he must be, like all of these questions are piling up with nowhere to go, not when someone's mouth is slotted against his. No, not just someone. That thought brings about new questions. All he can do is sit there, body completely frozen, uncertain of itself.
Just when it might feel to Fearless like this is a futile venture, like Idia might just sit there like a stiff-- that's when he slowly, slowly presses forward. Lets his eyes finally slip shut.]
[there is a moment where Fearless starts to wonder, starts to doubt, to think— but Idia presses against him, and Fearless forgets that worry. it's replaced with a need to be closer, to cup Idia's other cheek with his free hand, too.
this is what he wanted. but how long has he wanted this? had Seras's feelings bled into him, or were these always his own? those were questions for later. he kisses Idia a moment longer— and when he pulls away, it isn't far.]
[that feeling caught in his throat slips away as Fearless takes Idia's face into his palms. he can count the people who have touched him like this on one hand. this is different in a lot of ways that his mind is too hazy to count. most notably, Fearless' hands aren't soft, but they hold him gently. they're careful but certain; he does exactly what he means to. this is something he means to do.
Idia sighs against his mouth. he can feel it ghost against Fearless' lips when he pulls away just enough. now that he can say something, Idia doesnt know what. so he stays close.]
Uh... [wow-- "uh"? Idia screws his eyes more tightly shut.] Did I miss something?
Fearless isn't some blushing virgin, doesn't really get all flustered when he might be wrong, but he does still sort of clam up. hesitant, quiet. his brow creases.]
I— I dunno.
Probably?
[probably? no, definitely.
how could Idia have noticed anything when it all stays locked in Fearless's head?]
[is it a good or a bad sign that Idia is still inches away from Fearless' face? probably more like that pretty long face of his is still being held... but it's not like he's pulling away. it's not like his body isn't poised toward him, nearly touching.
in fact the stumbling from someone else, someone who usually exhibits a certain self-assuredness, is all it takes for Idia to open his eyes. glance at the concern etched across Fearless' face.]
... Probably?
[so this is what "probable" looks like to him. interesting.]
[one of Fearless's hands trails down, catches at the end of Idia's hair as it falls. it's strange to him that it just kind of feels like hair, huh. everything that seems so mystifying about Idia is pretty tangible, in the end.]
I think I did, too.
[he missed the part where he put the math together, he thinks. but now that he looks back at it, the logic is all there, for him.
he pats Idia's cheek, that kind of absent look in his eyes easing away.]
[oh, Idia recognizes this. the pattern that Fearless falls into in his fights (in conversations, Idia began to realize) where he lets a little uncertainty get the better of him. this situation throws him for a loop, but behavior like that-- it's information to latch onto, almost grounding.
he doesn't move away. in fact, he very intentionally stays close.]
[Fearless is pretty good at being emotionally unaffected. he isn't even harboring some secret deep resentment about this. as far as he thinks, he's taking every vibe as it comes at him.
but he's also used to being right. he's used to, at least, thinking he's right about what he perceives. he is always correct about the reality he lives in.
it's not very often that someone else forces him to confront their reality in contrast with his.
so Fearless just kind of halts, like a cat that's seen something no one else can see in the room, dark eyes trained unmoving on Idia's face.]
Ehn— I—
...no.
[he acknowledges.
but his brow scrunches again, because he's very aware suddenly that he doesn't actually know what's happening. what he should say next.]
[that makes two of them. Idia doesn't have the guide for this, didn't even recognize the flags. like, since when did Fearless-- never mind.]
Yeah. Exactly. [if there's one thing he's not going to be tonight, it's a mouthpiece for some other guy's assumptions. he's had about enough of that here. Idia's quiet for a second, gaze flitting across Fearless' face.] Just-- give me a second.
[there's an implication that he might leave or at least turn away. Idia doesn't do that. Idia stays right where he is, staring thoughtfully at the corner of Fearless' mouth like he might burn a hole in it. he doesn't say a thing, doesn't hum. if his hair didn't flicker, it might seem like the whole situation was on pause.]
[Fearless... does give him that second. he's not sure why he waits. this isn't the kind of reaction he'd normally stick around for, but maybe it's this sudden self-actualization from Idia that halts him. maybe it's Fearless's own curiosity. maybe it's the gentleness that people like Seras and Angel and Greed have done so well to weasel out of him.]
Cool. Okay.
[he doesn't mind waiting, he's finding. there's a lot to look at, here. the curve of Idia's brow, the gentle glow of blue against his skin coming off his hair. the bands of gold fiber in Idia's irises. he's a wonder to look at, like a gleaming star, flickering with life even as he sits so very still. Fearless's patience becomes less unsure, and more reverent.]
[Idia can feel every second that he sits there in silence. it's too long, he knows it, but there's a lot to think through, to make sense of. everything about this is new: someone taking interest in him (what??), acting on it (huh??), having another person (that he's in love with??) to account for. the fact that it actually feels-- anyway. of course he needs to consider the cut of Fearless' jaw as if he can find some meaning there. does someone's mouth look different after they kiss you?
after an agonizing stretch of silence, he suddenly glances up at Fearless proper.]
[it's actually kind of embarrassing that being distinguishable from a specific "type" is flattering to him. like, aw, you want to give him a smoocharoo on his own stupid merit? or... wait, is it back-handed? is it, like, "you're not that special"? well-- the fact that he's considered at all has Idia's hair flickering an incriminating pink.
his eyes zero in on Fearless' gesture.]
Dyeheh... Wow... What does that say about you, huh?
[don't ask about him and his taste-- where fearless may or may not be slotting into it.]
[Fearless notices that pink, because he notices everything. because he's always had to notice everything, to be safe. lucky him, though, that noticing everything in a place like this means finding things that are kind of wonderful.
his eyes soften, his smile tugs a bit mischievously and he feigns a sense of shame for a second, scratching his neck just a touch—]
Ehnnn., judging a person by their taste's about as accurate as a personality test.
[look, he's still recovering from his own Flustering... it's not especially confident as he angles his head to get a better look at this prestige performance.]
That's something a person who's been read for filth would say.
["A good time"!! Woah, y-you can't just say that in this context!! Idia flushes a brilliant red.]
Whose fault is that?
[Don't look at his lips, don't look at his lips, don't-- shit. He glances down and realizes just how close they are now, how close they have been this whole time. Get any closer and he'd be climbing into Fearless' lap. Oh, he's going to pop if he thinks about that.]
[it doesn't help that Fearless is as touchy as he is. Idia's reaction inspires a grin, a lean— Fearless rests his hand on Idia's knee in a good-natured pat, rocks forward, back— shakes with a silent laugh.]
Good point. Yeah.
Guess it's mine, huh?
[there were times— like when he first arrived— that the course of this conversation would have made him more frustrated. the normalcy of this, though, knowing his life doesn't hang on the line, knowing he's not a part of the Red Dragon here, knowing no matter what he does or decides there is money for a meal in his pocket— it really lowers the stakes. makes it okay to play, makes it okay to get ribbed by someone who isn't Vicious.
there'd been times like that before, too, where even if those threats had been present, he'd been able to relax with that one person. it's amazing that in being dead, there can be more who fill the role.]
Yeah, but I told you, I'm not really the regretful or apologetic type.
Y'know.
What happens, happens.
[he looks back at Idia, into those golden eyes that are so very close by. what is happening, Idia? what happens next?]
I said I didn't ask. C'mon, at least try to listen.
[Idia's obviously annoyed, but there's a soft edge to it as he glances at Fearless' lips. technically he has the go-ahead to lay another smooch on the guy. but tbh he didn't know this was an option and honestly it just gives him a weird feeling to go ahead on his own. it's cool for Seras but Idia's the kind of guy that's ride-or-die for one person, one group. intimacy is something completely new to him, feeling the way he does toward Seras is something even newer. add another person to that and-- jeez. what's a guy like him supposed to do with that?]
It's not like I'm mad. You're... [the tips of his ears are red, he can feel them. Idia untucks a lock of hair from behind his ear to cover it up.] well... you know. I just shouldn't. Right now.
[has he been looking at Fearless' mouth too much? is it obvious that he wants to figure out if there's something to this or is he coming off like a total tool?]
[it's not the most comfortable realization in the world by far, but Fearless does recognize that this encompasses more than his own actions. anyone could need time to think about anything like this, for any reason. Fearless can't deny that, nor can he deny he's been being impulsive, anyway.
not even he really understands what's going on between himself and the people around him, Idia and Seras most of all right now.
so it's uncomfortable, but still honest and real, when Fearless raises his hands to be like;]
Nah, man, I get that.
I— do,
[more than he ever really wants to talk about.
but he does.
he stares at Idia's mouth, too, watching for something— but what? a sudden turnaround for the worse? what?]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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but he's learning, whether he wants to or not, that while this might feel familiar, it's not the same. it's something new, unique, and it's fine to be that way. a new melody with a similar, but different, leitmotif.
but he does like the song.]
Shut up.
[he shoves Idia's shoulder, gentler than he would with Nanami or Greed, of course.]
That's Seras's taste you're calling bad, too, y'know.
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She's allowed!
[An honor and a privilege that she has such poor taste. Some might call that lucky.]
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Oh, yeah, cos the rules don't apply to her, yeah.
I gotcha.
[fair and valid. Fearless reaches over to grab his drink, takes a sip, and—]
but, uh, the thing is—
[he scrunches up his face—]
I don't really care about rules.
[this is Idia's only warning that something is about to go down.]
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Idia rolls his eyes.]
I don't make the rules, I just call it like I see it. Maybe if you--
[And so he blabs. Would be a shame (?) if something were to stop him.]
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Just when it might feel to Fearless like this is a futile venture, like Idia might just sit there like a stiff-- that's when he slowly, slowly presses forward. Lets his eyes finally slip shut.]
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this is what he wanted. but how long has he wanted this? had Seras's feelings bled into him, or were these always his own? those were questions for later. he kisses Idia a moment longer— and when he pulls away, it isn't far.]
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Idia sighs against his mouth. he can feel it ghost against Fearless' lips when he pulls away just enough. now that he can say something, Idia doesnt know what. so he stays close.]
Uh... [wow-- "uh"? Idia screws his eyes more tightly shut.] Did I miss something?
[like, for example, why is this kind of a rush?]
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Fearless isn't some blushing virgin, doesn't really get all flustered when he might be wrong, but he does still sort of clam up. hesitant, quiet. his brow creases.]
I— I dunno.
Probably?
[probably? no, definitely.
how could Idia have noticed anything when it all stays locked in Fearless's head?]
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in fact the stumbling from someone else, someone who usually exhibits a certain self-assuredness, is all it takes for Idia to open his eyes. glance at the concern etched across Fearless' face.]
... Probably?
[so this is what "probable" looks like to him. interesting.]
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[one of Fearless's hands trails down, catches at the end of Idia's hair as it falls. it's strange to him that it just kind of feels like hair, huh. everything that seems so mystifying about Idia is pretty tangible, in the end.]
I think I did, too.
[he missed the part where he put the math together, he thinks. but now that he looks back at it, the logic is all there, for him.
he pats Idia's cheek, that kind of absent look in his eyes easing away.]
I'm not really an apologies guy, though, so.
Have fun with that.
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he doesn't move away. in fact, he very intentionally stays close.]
Did I ask?
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but he's also used to being right. he's used to, at least, thinking he's right about what he perceives. he is always correct about the reality he lives in.
it's not very often that someone else forces him to confront their reality in contrast with his.
so Fearless just kind of halts, like a cat that's seen something no one else can see in the room, dark eyes trained unmoving on Idia's face.]
Ehn— I—
...no.
[he acknowledges.
but his brow scrunches again, because he's very aware suddenly that he doesn't actually know what's happening. what he should say next.]
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Yeah. Exactly. [if there's one thing he's not going to be tonight, it's a mouthpiece for some other guy's assumptions. he's had about enough of that here. Idia's quiet for a second, gaze flitting across Fearless' face.] Just-- give me a second.
[there's an implication that he might leave or at least turn away. Idia doesn't do that. Idia stays right where he is, staring thoughtfully at the corner of Fearless' mouth like he might burn a hole in it. he doesn't say a thing, doesn't hum. if his hair didn't flicker, it might seem like the whole situation was on pause.]
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[Fearless... does give him that second. he's not sure why he waits. this isn't the kind of reaction he'd normally stick around for, but maybe it's this sudden self-actualization from Idia that halts him. maybe it's Fearless's own curiosity. maybe it's the gentleness that people like Seras and Angel and Greed have done so well to weasel out of him.]
Cool. Okay.
[he doesn't mind waiting, he's finding. there's a lot to look at, here. the curve of Idia's brow, the gentle glow of blue against his skin coming off his hair. the bands of gold fiber in Idia's irises. he's a wonder to look at, like a gleaming star, flickering with life even as he sits so very still. Fearless's patience becomes less unsure, and more reverent.]
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after an agonizing stretch of silence, he suddenly glances up at Fearless proper.]
... Me?
[that doesn't sound like a complete sentence.]
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he shrugs.]
Why not?
[like it's as simple as that, but then he kind of glancing to the side, takes a breath in as a few more gears start to turn;]
Everyone thinks I have a— um, type?
[Seras sure did. she had a similar reaction as Idia, he's remembering.
Fearless tilts his head to the side he'd glanced at, kind of shakes his head side to side like a weighted scale rather than a dismissal.]
I really don't.
[remembering something, Fearless lifts a finger to make a point;]
You said I had bad taste, anyway.
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his eyes zero in on Fearless' gesture.]
Dyeheh... Wow... What does that say about you, huh?
[don't ask about him and his taste-- where fearless may or may not be slotting into it.]
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his eyes soften, his smile tugs a bit mischievously and he feigns a sense of shame for a second, scratching his neck just a touch—]
Ehnnn., judging a person by their taste's about as accurate as a personality test.
[probably.]
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That's something a person who's been read for filth would say.
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Y'know, I thought I was being nice, here.
[did he, though? he's not being very convincingly offended with that stupid grin.]
Came out to have a good time, and now all this...
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Whose fault is that?
[Don't look at his lips, don't look at his lips, don't-- shit. He glances down and realizes just how close they are now, how close they have been this whole time. Get any closer and he'd be climbing into Fearless' lap. Oh, he's going to pop if he thinks about that.]
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Good point. Yeah.
Guess it's mine, huh?
[there were times— like when he first arrived— that the course of this conversation would have made him more frustrated. the normalcy of this, though, knowing his life doesn't hang on the line, knowing he's not a part of the Red Dragon here, knowing no matter what he does or decides there is money for a meal in his pocket— it really lowers the stakes. makes it okay to play, makes it okay to get ribbed by someone who isn't Vicious.
there'd been times like that before, too, where even if those threats had been present, he'd been able to relax with that one person. it's amazing that in being dead, there can be more who fill the role.]
Yeah, but I told you, I'm not really the regretful or apologetic type.
Y'know.
What happens, happens.
[he looks back at Idia, into those golden eyes that are so very close by. what is happening, Idia? what happens next?]
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[Idia's obviously annoyed, but there's a soft edge to it as he glances at Fearless' lips. technically he has the go-ahead to lay another smooch on the guy. but tbh he didn't know this was an option and honestly it just gives him a weird feeling to go ahead on his own. it's cool for Seras but Idia's the kind of guy that's ride-or-die for one person, one group. intimacy is something completely new to him, feeling the way he does toward Seras is something even newer. add another person to that and-- jeez. what's a guy like him supposed to do with that?]
It's not like I'm mad. You're... [the tips of his ears are red, he can feel them. Idia untucks a lock of hair from behind his ear to cover it up.] well... you know. I just shouldn't. Right now.
[has he been looking at Fearless' mouth too much? is it obvious that he wants to figure out if there's something to this or is he coming off like a total tool?]
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not even he really understands what's going on between himself and the people around him, Idia and Seras most of all right now.
so it's uncomfortable, but still honest and real, when Fearless raises his hands to be like;]
Nah, man, I get that.
I— do,
[more than he ever really wants to talk about.
but he does.
he stares at Idia's mouth, too, watching for something— but what? a sudden turnaround for the worse? what?]
I do.
It's cool.
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